


That Was the Night When I Finally Understood Why People Fear Silence

by Puglove_az



Category: Original Work
Genre: Almost made myself cry, Angst with a Happy Ending, Gender-Neutral Pronouns, Implied Suicide Attempt, Lots of Crying, POV First Person, Self-Harm, Unnamed characters - Freeform, trigger warning, vent fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-07
Updated: 2020-01-07
Packaged: 2021-02-27 07:07:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,063
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22152997
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Puglove_az/pseuds/Puglove_az
Summary: "That was the night when I finally understood why people fear silence; it was deafening. I had never been claustrophobic, but in those few moments I felt the walls closing in on me, and I panicked. The air pressure felt like it was getting denser by the second. I started breathing faster, and my ears were silently ringing. The only sound was the clock ticking in the corner, which only seemed to make the silence more painful. After a long moment, there was a sound. I don't know if I should have been more scared of the silence, or the sound I heard. It was the dull thunk sound of something being dropped, followed by a pitiful sob."





	That Was the Night When I Finally Understood Why People Fear Silence

**Author's Note:**

> As the tags said, there is a trigger warning about self-harm, blood, and one brief mention of a suicide note. Overall, this piece is for me to vent and get some things out. I wrote this a couple years ago and I've constantly been tweaking it and reading it over and I think I'm finally happy with it. So with that said, please, enjoy.

That was the night when I finally understood why people fear silence; it was deafening. I had never been claustrophobic, but in those few moments I felt the walls closing in on me, and I panicked. The air pressure felt like it was getting denser by the second. I started breathing faster, and my ears were silently ringing. The only sound was the clock ticking in the corner, which only seemed to make the silence more painful. After a long moment, there was a sound. I don't know if I should have been more scared of the silence, or the sound I heard. It was the dull thunk sound of something being dropped, followed by a pitiful sob.

I forced myself to look up, to see who, or what, had found me at my worst. Despite being drained of energy, my eyes found a way to open wider, and my heart found a way to beat faster. It was Them. they were standing in the doorway, a look of surprise etched on their face as tears streamed down, mimicking bitter waterfalls. I was sure that if I had the energy, I would've bawled at the sight. No one had ever seen them cry, not one tear, and yet here they are right in front of me with heart-wrenching sobs wracking their body and tears flowing so non-stop and so hard, a new river could be formed right in the doorway.

After a shameful while, their tears slowed, never stopped, and they dropped to their knees in front of me. they cradled my face between their hands. It was then that I thought I had gathered up the strength to say something, anything, but all that came out was a broken sob. Salty water welled up in my eyes and poured out. Their face turned sympathetic and concerned once they saw my tears. I tried to speak again, but to no avail. I lost all control and threw myself at them in a violent, unorganized hug. They held me tight and whispered one word that made me lose any and all sanity I had left. 

"Why?"

At this point there was no hiding anything I was crying so hard my chest started to hurt while they held me tight in their warm embrace. They looked around the room at the damage I had done. 

There were pieces of torn paper everywhere that, when pieced together, would create a sad departure letter. The walls had multiple holes where I had punched it, explaining my bloody, torn up knuckles. A broken mirror hung at just the right angle so that I could see the two of us, curled up in a messy, miserable ball. On the opposite wall, there was a pair of bloodied scissors sticking out. Once I had calmed down a little, I eyed the room myself, wondering how I had ever let myself fall this deep. We hesitantly let go of each other and I immediately looked down to avoid looking them in the eyes. I regretted that once I saw the damage I had done to my body. My arms and stomach were scratched raw, and my legs were covered in still bleeding cuts all up and down them. Everything stung from the tears we both had cried. Even my heart stung from the realization of what I had tried to do. I felt ashamed that I had let someone especially Them, see me like this, because in the end, despite the pain, I knew I didn't regret doing it at all. 

They gently grabbed my chin to make me look at them. I averted my eyes. I couldn't do it; I had to look somewhere else, anywhere but them. However, every place I looked reminded me of the situation I was in, the situation that I desperately tried to avoid. Realizing I had no other choice, I met their gaze. "Why?" they asked again, "Please, tell me." they sounded so desperate, it broke my heart, but even then, I couldn't voice an answer. "Was it me?" they asked, voice cracking mid-sentence, reminding me of their silent tears. Not trusting my voice, I frantically shook my head. I couldn't believe they thought this was their fault. Never in a million years could they ever cause me to do this. I tried speaking again, this time I was sure my voice would work, but before I could say anything, they asked another question. "Then what? What made you destroy yourself?" their eyes were serious and stern, I couldn't help but to try to look away again, but their grip on my chin stayed firm. I closed my eyes as another tear rolled down my face and I whispered truthfully with my tired, unused voice 

"Me." 

They were taken aback and confused by my answer. When they recovered from their surprise, I guess they felt that I didn't want to say anymore so they gave me a look of sympathy and pain. They said something that sounded like you poor thing but it was spoken so softly, I could never be sure. They leaned forward to hug me again and another tear slipped out. "We will get through this together, I promise you." their words sent waves of an unknown emotion through me. I gripped the back of their shirt like it was a lifeline and tried to hide my sobs, but the more they drew small, invisible circles on my back, the harder it was to hide. 

Eventually, I calmed down and nearly fell asleep. They picked me up off the floor and carried me to the bathroom to clean up. A few apologies and curses later, they carried me into the spare room, considering my room's condition, but I was too tired to care. They laid down in the bed with me and pulled me into another warm embrace. 

The next morning when I woke up, I saw their peaceful sleeping face and I felt their arms still holding me. I felt them start to stir awake. When their eyes opened and focused on me, they smiled and held me tighter, speaking the words that neither of us could say, I will always be here for you. My heart started to flutter. That was the morning I realized, as long as They are with me, I don't have to be scared anymore.

**Author's Note:**

> I originally had this planned to some anime characters, but I couldn't find the ones that fit that fit with the dynamic I was trying to aim for, so I left it as an original work. I feel the end is a little rushed, or doesn't have enough detail, but overall, I'm happy with how it turned out. I very much welcome constructive criticism, and if there is anything I could do to improve this, I'd be happy to hear it. Thank you for reading


End file.
